Video Link

Thanks to everyone who joined us for our recent webinar with Jay DeMerit - and a special thanks to Jay himself for joining us!

You can watch a replay of the webinar here, or alternatively listen to the webinar on-the-go by clicking the button below. You can also view the transcript and Jay's bio and social handles below, too!

We hope you enjoy.

SPEAKER INFO:

Jay DeMerit

www.risexshine.com

Jay DeMerit is a former USMNT player with World Cup experience, and a Premier League and MLS club captain. Jay is also a keynote speaker, founder of RISExSHINE, is the North American Ambassador for his former club Watford, he has a degree in Industrial Design. He is the subject of a documentary, The Jay DeMerit Story, detailing his meteoric rise in soccer - from backpacking and playing in the 12th tier of the English game, to Premier League Captain and World Cup player. Without doubt, Jay's story is one of the most unique out there.

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We kicked off the first of three Goalkeeper Week webinars with two fantastic guests - UPenn Women's Soccer Assistant Coach and former Pro ,Megan "Stu" Hinz, and former USWNT player  and "The Keeper Institute" owner Jill Loyden. Joining Skye for the conversation is Soccer Parenting's Key Partner Manager, Anthony DiCicco.

We hope you enjoy this conversation on the "Unique Scenarios Goalkeepers Face and How Parents Can Help"! Make sure you check out all the other Goalkeeper Week content, with more webinars throughout the week, bonus content, and interactive wall all on the Goalkeeper Week HUB!

SPEAKER INFO:

Jill Loyden

www.thekeeperinstitute.com

Jillian Loyden founded The Keeper Institute in 2013, towards the end of her professional playing career. She is a former member of the U.S. Women’s National Team, and Sky Blue FC of the (NWSL). She played professionally in the Women’s Professional Soccer league for various teams, and also spent a season in Australia with the Central Coast Mariners where she was named Goalkeeper of the Year. In the collegiate game Jill was a standout goalkeeper and four-year starter at Division I Villanova University, where she earned Big East Goalkeeper of the Year honors three consecutive seasons as well as NSCAA First-Team All-America her senior year. In 2014 Jill retired from playing professional soccer and began her coaching career as she opened The Keeper Institute headquarters in summer of 2015. Jill was the GK coach for Sky Blue FC in 2016 and 2017, worked with our youth US National Teams as GK coach, as well as ESPN color analyst.

Megan Hinz

www.thekeeperinstitute.com

Her professional career began in Sweden for the Gustafs Goif (2018) and she moved back to the states in March of 2019 to play for the Chicago RedStars (2019), and last played for Gotham NY/NJ FC (2019-21). Megan Hinz played collegiately at the University of Michigan where she finished her career ranked in Michigan’s top 10 in GAA, wins, shutouts and saves and was a three-time member of the Big Ten All-Academic Team.

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In this Breakaway clip from Skye's Webinar with Todd Beane for Gratitude Week, the topic of conversation is how to deal with your child when they encounter the inevitable struggles and setbacks. 

Todd Beane worked with Johan Cruyff for 14 years to create the Cruyff Institute for Sport Studies and to deliver total football training programs to professional clubs worldwide.

Beane graduated from Dartmouth College in 1986 with a B.A. in English Literature. Upon graduation, he was awarded a Rotary Scholarship to attend the University of Sussex in England. Todd concluded his formal studies at Stanford University where he earned a M.A. in Education and a Secondary Teaching Credential.

As an athlete, Todd played NCAA Division I soccer at Dartmouth College before playing professional soccer in the USISL. During his tenure in the United States, he was awarded a US Soccer Federation “A” License, coaching both collegiately and professionally. He has served on the faculty of Johns Hopkins University as Director of the Native Vision Program and later as Director of the Cloud Forest School in Costa Rica.

You can access the full webinar here: 

Click here for video

I have had a lot of conversations this past week with youth soccer club leaders from across the country, doing my best to provide emotional support and clear guidance as they navigate the COVID-19 crisis with their soccer communities. One of the primary discussion points has been how to best support players during this stressful time, and while there has been a tremendous push for skills videos, individual challenges, and player meetings – an important new discussion point is emerging – and that is about Sense of Community.

Since December I have been presenting to clubs, coaching organizations, State Associations and parents about Sense of Community Theory and the direct relevance this research has on our clubs when it comes to player inspiration, retention, and parent satisfaction levels. It’s ironic to me that now, once our ability to connect physically is removed, we are focusing on community more than ever.

A seemingly counterintuitive shift to “community” while we’re apart, yes – but essential during these unprecedented times.

The challenges we are facing reach well beyond the soccer fields, however our connection from the fields can be what helps bring us together now. Club leaders, coaches and parents who are embracing this concept of community in their actions and messaging are highlighting what makes youth soccer special in the lives of the players and parents – we are a family. Community Matters.

5 Ways Parents Can Build A Stronger Sense of Club Community in COVID-19

1.   Stage a Virtual Happy Hour with Other Parents

The other night I sat in front of my computer in my living room and enjoyed the company of 12 of my female coaching friends over a Zoom meeting.  IT – WAS – AWESOME.  I didn’t realize how much I needed some extra adult conversation, some laughs, and just to see the faces of people I care about.  Plus, there were a couple of women in the group who really needed to talk about some things they were going through, and us coming together was really, really important for them.

Be intentional about staging a virtual happy hour with the families on your team. INVITE ALL OF THEM.  Setting it up was easy.  If your club has a Zoom account, chances are they will be willing to share a link for the parents to gather.

We did a quick “Pop Corn” question where we each gave an update on how things were for us the past few weeks and then called on someone else on the call to speak next.  I’d recommend doing this to be sure everyone’s voices are heard.

2.  Express Gratitude to the Coach Publicly

The emotional strain club leaders and coaches are going through is very real. The overall uncertainty and financial stress, combined with a strong compassion for players, has led to a huge physical and emotional burden for coaches and club leaders. I have seen coaches and club leaders pushing themselves to find new and innovative ways to connect with players to help them during these difficult times. Coaches are staying up all night preparing new virtual presentations, announcing new programming to help keep players engaged, and getting out of their comfort zone by utilizing social media and messaging in new ways to be sure players feel inspired.

If your coach and club has done a good job staying connected, please give them a shout out on social media and your club/team messaging apps.

One of the components of Sense of Community Theory I discuss is the need for boundary setting. Setting boundaries will help establish a Sense of Community. With that in mind, I know that parents are often worried about expressing gratitude for fear of it being perceived as a ploy for favoritism for their child. Let’s put all of those thoughts aside – and be clear on the boundaries of the coach-parent relationship: Gratitude Matters –  Express it loudly, clearly and repeat.

3.  Stage a Team Family FIFA Night Challenge

Organize yourselves via Playstation and Xbox and do a team-wide bracket draw live on Instagram or Facebook. You can get creative with participation rules for parents and children and even spread the tournament out over a few nights.  The final can be streamed live for everyone to watch and the winning family definitely deserves a social media share on the club channels!!! Tag @SoccerParenting and we will promote as well.

4.  Check In on All Families for Lost Jobs, Financial Strain, Sickness

While, yes, we have largely met one another on the soccer fields, our bond is much stronger than Saturday afternoons on the sidelines.  For many families, our soccer family is our strongest bond to the fabric of our greater community, and it’s times like these where we need to be extra intentional about making sure these interactions are maintained.

Families are struggling and while some want to go through this privately, coming together as a soccer family is important here.  If you have a parent chat going – be sure to ask people to share important updates.  Side note, if you don’t have a parent chat via a messaging app like Team Snap, Whats Ap, etc….– start one today.

I have been so impressed by the power of good people coming together during this crisis and I know this is a time parents will rise to the challenge to support the families on their team in any way possible.

5.  Start a “Good Deed Challenge” 

There have been so many challenges coming across social media: toilet paper juggling, ball & wall, etc. Now it’s time for the parents to issue a challenge: Start a team-wide “Good Deed Challenge”.

Consider highlighting siblings helping siblings, doing extra chores around the house, leaving nice notes for neighbors, writing letters to friends and relatives in nursing homes. Be sure to get the extra support of the coach to push this out to the team – and let’s help our children learn some additional character lessons during this time, and find a bit of motivation by sharing it on line with their team.

Community Matters: When good people come together, great things will happen. 

Our youth soccer teams are a family and when we work hard to establish a strong Sense of Community we will find the real reason for our children’s participation in sport. Lessons in solidarity, teamwork and commitment are not just for our children. Let’s use the connection we initially found on the fields to bring us together when it matters most.

Link to Video

Dan Abrahams, a UK-based Sport Psychologist, joins us again for Gratitude Week with an hour-long conversation for parents and coaches related to supporting athletes.

We discuss:

Keys to developing motivation and a person's drive to perform and improve.

How parents and coaches can support players when it comes to overcoming challenges, setbacks, and adversity.

The importance of optimism and how our words and responses to athletes can help facilitate an optimistic outlook.

And much more!

Link to Video

We have focused on mental performance during October 2023 and this mental skills webinar is the centerpiece!  In this episode, Soccer Parenting Founder Skye Eddy is joined by WellPerformance Founder Stu Singer and his colleague, Mental Performance Coach Emily Aron.

We hope you enjoy the discussion on the parent's role in helping youth soccer players develop strong mental skills! Stay tuned across SoccerParenting.com and the Soccer Parent Resource Center as we continue to create, curate, and collaborate on content designed to address your most pressing needs as a soccer parent. We believe the future of the beautiful game is bright and believe in you to help move forward our mission to Make Youth Soccer Better!

SPEAKER INFO:

Speaker Name

Stu Singer has worked as the Director of Performance Psychology for the WNBA’s Washington Mystics, and as the performance psychologist for University of Maryland Women’s Basketball team, Fordham University Women’s Basketball team, Rice University and the Connecticut Sun among others. Stu served an integral role in helping the University of Maryland Women’s basketball team reach back to back Final Fours, and Fordham University women’s basketball in winning their first A-10 championship, receiving an NCAA tournament bid, and their best record in 20 years. Additionally, he has worked with players from MLS and NWSL, and the Men’s National Team Player Pool, Massachusetts ODP, and the Boston Bolts Development Academy coaches.

His approach focuses on teaching and providing mental performance skills for athletes that have the pressures of competing at elite levels in high school, collegiate, and professional sports. Stu also provides team trainings, clinics, and consultation with coaches on how to develop healthy and effective mental performance fundamentals for their athletes.

Stu completed his Doctor of Psychology coursework at the University of the Rockies specializing in sport and performance psychology, and is a professional member of the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. Additionally, he received his M.Ed. in Counseling from Shippensburg University.

Stu is married to Juli, and has three kids – Rose, Jackson, and Lily. Each are multi-sport athletes, and Jackson is a ODP Region 1 selection, and Boston Bolts DA player. He knows what it is to be the parent of a youth athlete!

Emily Aron grew up playing basketball & most sports. This May, Emily graduated with her MS in Sports, Exercise, and Performance Psychology from Barry University. During this time, Emily worked with one of their Division II Teams as their sports psych consultant.

Before joining forces with WellPerformance, Emily did an internship with the RJ Performance Group in Salt Lake City that was centered around the 8-16-year-old demographic to improve their mental skills, including mental toughness, breathing, body language, confidence, self-talk, and emotional regulation. As of October, Emily will also be working as the Performance Lifestyle Practitioner for the NBA Academy Latin America.

Dear Parent: Is Your Sideline Behavior Distracting Your Child or Helping?

By Skye Eddy on November 8th, 2019

It’s Saturday morning and I’m on the way to the soccer fields for Cali’s game.  With quick glances in my rear view mirror I can see her in the backseat, mindlessly staring out the window.

“Feeling ready?” I say.

A mumbled “yes” makes its way up to me in the driver’s seat.

We drive this way in silence for 5 minutes – me giving Cali an imaginary pre-game talk (sometimes I realize my face is even gesturing a bit as I speak with passion in my mind):  “Work hard, get your head up early, play simple” as I catch glimpses of her in the mirror.

When held out loud in the past, these pregame talks have not gone over well between she and I, so I am thankful I manage to keep my pregame talk to myself this time!

I shift the conversation to the song that is playing on the radio, a weekend homework assignment, what we are eating for dinner that night.

I don’t want my daughter to think I care too much about the game and her performance.

But I do.

And that, right there, is the problem.

Cali is 10 years old and I care too much about how she carries herself as an athlete. Unfortunately, she feels it. To her it likely feels like pressure, and adds an unnecessary burden that makes her personal fun meter teeter towards “not fun”.

As much as I try to mask my expectations and force conversation about homework and dinner and music – my stress is noticeable to her. I can feel my heart beating just a bit faster in my chest.  My voice doesn’t sound normal to me when I speak out loud.

This was me eight years ago…Thankfully – I changed.

It didn’t necessarily come overnight. In fact, it took a couple of seasons. First I had to grow to trust her coaches and developmental environment. Second, I had to find the balance between supporting Cali in her athletic endeavors and not inserting myself too much into her experience. When I stopped making her soccer more about what I was feeling than what she was actually feeling and experiencing (not what I wanted her to feel), everything changed.  Our relationship improved.  Her love of the game blossomed.  Her joy and enthusiasm on the soccer field and with her teammates improved. I was happier.

While I won’t begin to say I understand every child’s playing environment or the dynamics that exist in the personal relationships between a parent and their children when it comes to car rides, motivation, anxiety or even personalities…I will say I see these relationship dynamics play out every weekend on the soccer fields.

Parents on the sidelines insert themselves too much in their child’s performance and shift from supporting their child during a game, to distracting them.

Parents are given lollypops by team managers as a token reminders to keep quiet, we are asked to participate in a Silent Saturday experiment where the only voices heard are those of the players…and while these hopeful solutions to distracting parents on the sidelines are laudable, they are not working.

We need a different intervention.

The sideline behavior of parents will not change until we understand we are not helping our child, we are actually hurting – distracting them from learning.

THE NUMBER ONE THING PARENTS MUST UNDERSTAND:

The difference between SUPPORTIVE behavior and DISTRACTING behavior.

Examples of supportive communication are “Good Job”  “Keep Going” “You Can Do It’.   Supportive behavior looks like parents being attentive to the game, but not caring too much. We are not on our phones. We are watching all the players experience the ups and downs of competition with a level head and calm demeanor.

When we care in the wrong way, or simply don’t understand how kids learn, we often become distracting.

“Push Up” “Pass to Johnny” “Shoot” “Quick!” These are all examples of distracting communication. The moment we shift to advising our children during the game, “Pressure” “Play it long” “Defend #8” we are not helping them develop.

As Doug Lemov, teaching expert and founder of Teach Like A Champion said in an interview with Soccer Parenting referring to coaches advising players during a game:

You can’t teach anything during the game. You can only cue players to remember things that you’ve built into long term memory during practice. So if you’re trying to teach them things during the game or explain things during the game, you’re probably distracting them from the game and disrupting their performance and making them perform worse. What you should be doing, if they should be getting wider or you want Kevin to give the ball up earlier – is instead of shouting to Kevin when he has the ball to “give the ball up earlier” – is making notes to yourself about what training should look like next week, possibly for your conversation with Kevin at halftime, that’s a reasonable time to do that.”

When I asked Doug about the role of a parent on the sidelines during a game, he got personal about his sideline behavior, sharing about his experiences with his children.

“The answer for me (with my children) has been over time to say very, very little. It’s taken me a while to get there. “I think it’s very hard to be useful for a lot of the reasons … the only way you could be useful would be to tell a kid before something happens, something … that was a cue to something that was reinforced in training. But I’m not at training so I don’t know what the cue is and I don’t know what the coach has been telling the players. “There have been times where I was sure that my son was out of position and that he was supposed to be marking differently and after the game I was like, “So it seemed like to me maybe you were like … “And his response was: “No. Coach is telling me to do that. We worked on that all week in practice.”

Doug went on to say….

…I think there’s a reasonable range of roles for parents to make but for the most part I don’t think that (advising) is my role as a parent. I think my role is to – if I want to shout something – it’s to encourage them and say “Great job”, “Keep working”, “Keep at it”.

In my experiences working with parents all over the country with Soccer Parenting, as well as my personal experiences on the sidelines with my children, distracting communication is a direct result of an effort to relieve parental stress when we care too much.

Even when I worked hard to keep quiet in the car and not overwhelm Cali with a pre-game talk she didn’t want (or need) to hear… when I got to the game – despite my best efforts – distracting communication would literally pop out of my mouth!!!!

It wasn’t until I truly stopped caring so much about Cali’s performance and the result – and let her and her coaches who I trusted guide her sporting experience – that I realized she cared the exact perfect amount about her performance and the result…. all I need to do was care about her.

Supportive, not distracting communication was all my soccer player needed from me.

7 Ways to Support Your Player

By Stuart Singer on August 29th, 2019

By Adam Norse, the author of Grow your Potential: A Teenager’s Guide to Maximizing Your Life

As a relatively new parent I now have first-hand knowledge that the theory of parenting is much easier than the daily test of living it out – soccer parenting adds an extra twist to an already complex job.

In my last blog article I spoke about the importance of parents leaving the coaching and scoreboard to the players and coaches, instead they should focus on embracing all the opportunities for life lessons that a youth soccer experience presents – handling win/losses, bad referee calls, tough opposition, disagreement with a teammate, injury, reduced playing time, personality difference with the coach etc.

Taking your hands off the coaching and results is not easy. As parents we want to advocate and speak up for our children, we want to help their journey to be as easy as possible – short term it may help, longer term it actually stifles their development. You’ve got to be intentional about letting go of the coaching and worrying about the scoreboard, or else the emotions of the game will suck you back in. There will be times you will want to speak out but the goal is to learn to bite your tongue – instead you should be on the lookout for all the amazing teachable moments that youth soccer gifts. Again, there is always a time and place to address concerns – it is certainly not before or after a game when emotions can be high.

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

In order to support your child in maximizing their potential on and off the soccer field, as a parent you need to get to know your player – your child. Sure you “know” them – but do you really know them and their evolving personality and mindset? Do you know how they view themselves – their fears, their doubts? Do you understand their personality – whether they respond to a direct approach, or if they need a gentler style? Are they vocal or do you need to work to really find out what they are thinking? How do they respond to different situations, their ideas, thoughts, opinions? Do they still enjoy soccer – or are they just playing so not to disappoint you? Lots of questions.

Each of you will have questions that are personal to your family situation. Let me be clear here: being a soccer parent is different from being an everyday parent. Being part of a team brings with it different expectations, pressures and experiences for every player. Youth soccer, whether in a recreation or an elite program, can often add stress to a young person’s world. Scorelines, standings, screaming parents on the touchlines, increasing levels of schoolwork, weekend travel, tournaments, other interests, burnout, falling out of love with the game – these are all things that as parents we need to be in tune with and appreciate how they can affect each individual.

Being a pre-teen and teenager is tough. At this stage in their lives there is a lot going on – they are developing emotionally, cognitively and physically at speed. Not to mention hormones. Players change – in order to fully support them we need to try and understand them. Don’t assume you know your child from a conversation you had with them when they were 5 years old. Modern culture can shape a young players mind and thoughts very quickly. We need to constantly check-in with them to better support them.

Here are 7 areas that will help us to better understand our players:

1.  Learn to just listen – avoid the urge to give your opinion every time. Ask questions and listen. You will learn a lot.

2.  Be a safe place to share – let them realize you are not going to judge or convince them they are wrong.

3.  Love Unconditionally regardless of athletic skill or performance

4.  Avoid non-teachable moments – learn to discern when to deliver a life lesson and when to not say anything.

5.  Encourage – increase your ratio of praise to correction to at least 7:1. Be positive.

6.  Stop living your own soccer career through your children  – you know who you are.

7.  Make the experience fun  – if it stops being fun they WILL quit.

Take time to regularly check-in with them away from the field. Is the only time you spend with your son or daughter around soccer, whether games or practice? There is no substitute for spending time with them in order to get to know them. I encourage you to be intentional about making time to hang out away from soccer. Sometimes steer the conversation towards something other than soccer.

As a coach for over 19 years I can always tell the players who have a parent or caregiver who is supportive – they play with a freedom and a joy that is self-evident. They enjoy practice and games, free from the fear of making mistakes or the feeling that every aspect of their game will be critiqued. Know that being supportive doesn’t mean you have to make every game  – you can help them just as much away from the field.

Your child’s soccer playing experience will end sooner than you think. Let’s make sure that we make it as memorable and as fun as we can. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be competitive or we don’t strive to win. Soccer can be competitive and fun at the same time. Some of us need to clean the lens through which we see youth soccer. Embrace your role as a soccer parent and all the teachable moments that the game produces. Let the players play and the coaches coach. You will quickly see your child start to flourish on and off the field.

Video

Thanks to everyone who joined us for our latest live Soccer Parenting webinar, with John O'Sullivan and Dr. Jerry Lynch! It was a fascinating hour of conversation around "Building the Champion Teammate".

You can find the full recording here if you missed out, or if you want to listen on the move, download the audio by clicking the button below! The transcript for this webinar is also below.

For Jerry and John's book, click here.

Download Audio

SPEAKER INFO:

John O'Sullivan

Follow John:

www.changingthegameproject.com

John started the Changing the Game Project in 2012 after two decades as a soccer player and coach on the youth, high school, college and professional level.  He is the author of two #1 bestselling books, Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids and Every Moment Matters: How the World’s Best Coaches Inspire Their Athletes and Build Championship Teams. John’s work has been featured by CNN, Outside Magazine, ESPN, NBC Sports and numerous other media entities. John is an internationally known speaker for coaches, parents and youth sports organizations, and has spoken for TEDx, the US Olympic Committee, US Soccer, USA Wrestling, USA Swimming, Ireland Rugby, Australian Rugby League and at numerous other events throughout the US, Canada, Asia, Australia and Europe.

Originally from New York, John played collegiate soccer at Fordham University, where he was a team captain as a senior, and a member of the 1990 Patriot League Championship team.  After a stint playing professionally for the Wilmington (NC) Hammerheads of the USISL, John began his coaching career as the Varsity Boys Soccer Coach at Cardinal Gibbons HS in Raleigh, NC.  He then moved on to become the Assistant Men’s and Women’s Soccer Coach at the University of Vermont, before delving into the world of youth club soccer. He holds his USSF A License, United Soccer Coaches Advanced National Diploma, and US Youth Soccer National Youth Coaching License. To this day he coaches children of all ages with Apex FC in Bend, OR.

John received his BA from Fordham University, and his Masters from the University of Vermont. He resides in beautiful Bend, OR, with his wife, Dr Lauren O’Sullivan, and two wonderful children and aspiring young athletes: Maggie Shea and Tiernan.

Dr. Jerry Lynch

Follow Dr. Jerry:

www.wayofchampions.com

While most would consider him simply a sports psychologist, Dr. Jerry Lynch is a coach, mentor and teacher who guides and coaches athletes and parents to explore the meaning and purpose of sport, as a powerful vehicle to help us understand the mental-emotional-spiritual components of the athletic game and how they apply to the bigger game called LIFE.

Dr. Lynch has been recognized as one of the top five in his profession nationwide. He has worked with men's and women's basketball, lacrosse, soccer, tennis, golf and other sports at the universities of North Carolina, Duke, Maryland, California, Syracuse, Stanford, Harvard and Middlebury and continues to work with several teams and parent groups nationally.

Several of his clients have participated in various summer and winter Olympic Games. Most recently, he has established a consultancy with Steve Kerr, head coach of the World Champion Golden State Warriors. In the past 30 years alone, he has been part of 54 Final Four and 36 National Championship at the collegiate and professional levels.

Dr. Lynch has had extensive media interview coverage such as being an invited guest on CBS, NBC, and PBS national television, the New York Times, Oprah Magazine, Sports Illustrated, Baltimore Sun, Outside Magazine and over 50 national radio broadcasts, podcasts and webinars.

Video

Join Skye, the founder of Soccer Parenting for an exclusive on our newly launched program for youth soccer parents and learn all about the 6 Steps to Being a More Inspiring and Empowering Youth Soccer Parenting.

In this hour long, live webinar Skye covers:

- Challenges of being a sports parent today

- Essential things parents must know and learn more about

- Steps to collaborating with your coach and club

- What trust in youth sports looks like

Speaker Info:

Skye Eddy

Follow Skye:

www.soccerparenting.com

Founder at Soccer Parenting and The Sideline Project, Skye is also a former All-American goalkeeper, professional player and collegiate coach. She holds her USSF "B" License and USSF National Goalkeeper License and is an active youth coach, soccer parent and coach educator.